When it Feels like God is Letting You Down

I expected it to be hard when my oldest daughter went away to college. I knew there were emotions my whole family would have to process, and adjustments to be expected in relationships and household dynamics. I read books, asked friends for advice, prayed and planned. Yet still, I was woefully underprepared for all of it. It was epically hard.

What I didn’t expect was for every fiber in my body to scream,“Turn around!” as my husband and I drove away from her that first day, both of us in tears much of the four-hour ride home. I didn’t expect the deep ache in my chest to last for days going on weeks afterward. And I certainly didn’t expect my trust in God to be rattled to its core.

I was never much of a worrier until this season, until someone I loved so deeply was out of my bubble-wrapped purview. The worry took me by storm. It didn’t help that my daughter faced significant challenges in her first few months at college — an unkind and unsafe roommate, trouble folding in at a local church, and some other truly significant hurts that aren’t mine to share. I kept wondering why God wasn’t showing up for her, and by extension, me. As the weeks unfolded I struggled more and more to trust him with her. It felt like he was letting us both down.

In his kindness, God reminded me almost moment by moment of the truths in his word, that they not only applied to me but also my daughter, that he loves her more than I ever possibly could, because he knows her better than I ever will.

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (Matthew 10:26–31 NIV).

When I began to spiral in worry, I’d focus on this verse, reminding myself God knows things I don’t. He knows the whole truth of every situation, its origin and its outcome. He reminded my heart of the many hard things I’ve faced that have become the building blocks of my testimony, the times he’s shown up for me in undeniable ways. I wouldn’t change those moments in my life for anything, even if it meant sparing myself the pain of walking through it all. It’s how I came to know his goodness.

“We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Romans 5:3-4 NIV)

I had to wrestle with the fact that a pain-free life for my daughter wasn’t the end goal, and really never had been. My goal is to raise kids that know the Lord. Since God sometimes uses hardship to shape us, and to build us up, I had to come to a place of trust — to let him work in her life in whatever way he deemed fit. Despite how it felt, God wasn’t letting my daughter down in that season. He was showing her the ways he was planning to build her up and strengthen her. His plan for all his kids has always been hope and a future.

I realized I was confusing blessing with comfort. Ever been here? It’s not my first time, either. But God never promised things would be easy. In fact, he promised the exact opposite. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world,” (John 16:33 NIV).

What God did promise us is that he would be with us, which is the true definition of blessing.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand,” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV).

I’m thankful to report my daughter pulled through that first year, and will soon be a junior in college. There are some scars that she’s still working through, and hard things will come again. But I’ve already seen God use these events in her life. She has grown in maturity and in her identity as a young woman following God. She knows more than ever God is with her, even in the hard things.

As I prepare to send my second daughter to college this fall, I’m reminding myself of all I’ve learned from round one. I’m absolutely praying for an easier transition than the one my first daughter experienced. But regardless, it’s going to be hard for me to let her go..

Here’s what I do know:

God loves her more than anyone else ever has or ever will.

He has a plan for her rooted in hope and a future, that will include walking through hard things.

He will never leave her or forsake her.

He is good.

And those truths apply directly to me and you as well.